But I do feel that I have seen and heard a lot and have experienced things that most have not. You wanna know my story well here it is..and about that open book thing...I'm about to be as open as I can get....
March 19 1993 I was born at 9:32 a.m. I was an unplanned child that kept my parents together for at least another 2 years. I pretty much new from the beginning that the world was full of ugly things and mean people. My first memory was my father screaming at my mother and throwing things at her. At the age of two I knew that people lied even though I might not have understood why but I knew they were there because I asked my father the next day why all of those things (that he threw at my mother) were broken and he told me he did not know but I knew that he did. The next thing I remember was him beating my mothers head against the wall and pointing a gun at my head saying he wanted to kill me. The next thing I remember is my grandmother and the police coming through the door and him walking out in handcuffs. My childhood was a little rocking because of those things but I think I got over them pretty quickly bc I didn't have much of a choice everything moved so fast my mother (which is fine by the way) remarried quickly after that and we were put rooted from our city life to the country even though I was just 4 years old I knew there was a difference in the two places the people here in my opinion were...weird. Fast forwarding a few years my mother started working weekends and so that meant I was left home alone with one of my older sisters who would beat me if I didn't do as she said and do her chores and massage her back and get up and change the TV Chanel for her. You might ask why didn't I tell my mother...I was too scared too at first and when I finally did she had a "talk" with her but having no choice I was still left alone with her but the beatings weren't as bad anymore and I learned to find places to go on the weekends.Fast forwarding to the summer my sisters had cheer camps and my mother and step father had to work so I ended up having to go to Mississippi for the summer to stay with my grandmother and I have to say I loved my grandmother the pieces but I cried every night that summer bc I missed home and I was just a little kid which also had another concern at the time that I didn't understand which was death. I thought at the time that when we died we would have to come back and re live out lives over and over again and because that summer was so awful I cried even harder. As the summer came to and end and I went back home began getting sick and no one had time to listen to my concerns bc everyone was so busy the same grandma that I stained with was also sick and my mother was preparing for her to move in with us. When someone finally did notice me it was too late. My 4th grade teacher sent me to the nurse which called my mother and demanded that she take me to the doctor right away...my mother did and it turns out I had pneumonia but because my parents where nurses I wasn't hospitalized and received home health services and recovered quickly. Fast wording a year or so after being hospitalized for dehydration bc I didn't recover well form having my tonsils removed and returning back to school to my friends or who I thought was my friends they turned against me and made out entire class not talk to me an made fun of me every single day at school. I spent my recess time helping the janitors clean and the cafe workers clean as well because doing that was better than going outside and getting picked on. I went every day with out having anyone to talk to and eventually I got tired of this one girl that was my best friend making fun of me and I punched her in the face that fight ended up with me get swats and getting in trouble at home for starting a fight. I continued the next few years with a couple of friends that half the time I wasn't sure they really wanted to be my friend bc of what everyone else had to say about me but as we grew up that started to change and became the best of friends. When I entered high school I started getting bullied again and that lead to me cutting myself I can't really describe why and how it felt because it's something that can't be explained I confided in one person which told a few leaders at my school who called my mother luckily it was at the end of the school year so I took the last week off and ran off to my grandmothers for some healing time. I told my self I never would again but...I lied....after about 5 years and a few events that shook my world and living with my sister (which was a big mistake) and deciding driving off a cliff wasn't a good idea I did it again but somewhere that wouldn't be found and I told no one. I took up smoking for a while and failed to get my hands on anything stronger than Diet coke I had a long talk with God and told him I couldn't do this by myself and I needed him to guide me. I fail him sometimes. Yes, but I'm doing the best I can.
Now I feel like you know everything there is to know about me and I can start this blog off right! Keep looking for new updates I will try to do one a day.
With All my Love
Heady
